Etiquette Wednesday + Give Away

Of course we all would love to bring our pets with us where ever we go, but sometimes if you're staying as guest, it's a good idea to ask first before you bring along your pup...

Q: Whenever my sister-in-law visits for the weekend, she always brings her dog along. He’s cute, but a major inconvenience. How can I get her to leave the pooch at home without being rude?

A: Hosts aren’t obliged to include their houseguests’ pets in an invitation (unless, of course, it’s a service dog for a disabled person). So next time you invite your sister-in-law, be clear right up front: “Rebecca, I would love to have you come visit this summer. But it will need to be without Pumpkin. I hope you can find a dog sitter for him.” If you wish, explain your reasons: “Sam is allergic to dog hair” or “With three kids in the house, having a dog just makes things a little too crazy. I hope you understand.”

via Emily Post

P.S. Also be sure to check out Flip Flop & Pearls blog today for a chance to WIN a set of Lydia & Pugs stationery! Head on over there now!

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wednesday

Q: You’re planning an office shower for your pregnant colleague. What’s the best way to collect money for a group gift?

A: Announce that you’ll be choosing a group gift and that those wishing to help should come to you with donations. As the host, you handle the invites and snacks-but leave donations up to each guest. While a group gift is convenient, someone may prefer giving on her own. To help individual givers, find out a few things from the guest of honor: whether she’s registered, what baby items she already has, and whether it’s a boy or a girl (if she knows and is spilling the beans).

Q: While waiting for a treadmill at the gym, you notice that one jogger has gone over the 20-minute courtesy limit. What do you do?

A: Politely ask the woman to wrap up her workout so others can have a turn. Assuming that the time limit is prominently posted, speak directly to the jogger. She may have figured she’d just stay on the machine until someone asked her to get off. Or maybe she’s not aware of the rule, in spite of the signs. Whichever the case, go with a friendly “Excuse me, did you know there’s a 20-minute time limit on the treadmills? Do you think you’ll be finished soon?” If that doesn’t work, then you’ll have to go to the manager.

via Emily Post.

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wedding Wednesday

Q: As the groom’s parents, we think we have the right to know how much the bride’s folks are paying for the reception. We’d like to invite more of our friends than they’re allowing us, and we suspect the money is going to fancy flower arrangements instead. Can’t we have our say?

A: Sure, but not in the adversarial way it sounds as if you’d like to. It’s simply none of your business how much the bride’s family is spending or on what. If you’d like to have your input, proceed in a conciliatory way. Speak to your son and future daughter-in-law first to see whether more guests could be accommodated. If so, the way to add more guests is to offer to help pay: “We’d really like to share the excitement with a few more friends. We know weddings are expensive, so please let us contribute to the cost of the wedding.”

via Emily Post.

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wedding Wednesday

Q: I just received a bouquet of flowers from my weekend dinner guest. Must I send a thank-you note?

A: Though it sounds like a vicious circle (a thank-you note for a thank-you gift, etc.), you definitely need to get in touch with your guest in some way to let her know the flowers arrived and that you’re delighted with her thoughtfulness. While a call or an e-mail will do, a handwritten note is an especially warm way to express appreciation. (But also know that if a guest brings a hostess gift to the dinner, a verbal thank-you is just fine.)

Q: I’m getting remarried, and though my fiance and I would like a large wedding, my mother thinks it’s in poor taste because I had a huge bash the first time. Can’t a big second wedding be tasteful?

A: At one time, brides felt pressured to keep the second time around a small, low-key occasion, but today you can get remarried in style without lifting an eyebrow. However, you should bear some things in mind. If your parents paid for your first wedding (and even if they didn’t), you shouldn’t expect them to finance this gala. You and your fiance could foot the bill, with his parents pitching in if they wish to. Also, avoid trying to “outdo” your first trip down the aisle. For example, your gown should be less “bridey” this time (though you can certainly wear lily-white).

via Emily Post.

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wedding Wednesday

image: Andy Warhol

Q: I attended a wedding last year and haven’t received a thank-you note from the newlywed couple. It’s been more than six months since I sent the gift. Should I call to make sure they received it?

A: If you’re genuinely concerned that a gift has been lost in the mail, you could check with the store or post office. But I suspect what you really want to do is give these newlyweds a wake-up call about the missing note. And you may certainly go right ahead. The couple deserves embarrassment. Neglecting to send thank-yous is a chronic problem made worse by the myth that newlyweds have up to a year to pop those notes in the mail. The actual deadline is right away, with three months as the outside limit. What might make it easier is that thank-yous are no longer the brides responsibility–today’s grooms can do their fair share of the scrawling.

via Emily Post.

Pugs & kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wedding Wednesday

Q: My husband’s cousin is getting remarried, but unfortunately, my husband can’t make the wedding. Am I still obligated to go?

A: Obligated? No. It’s OK for you to go on your own, but if you’d rather not attend by yourself, that’s fine too. If you do choose to decline, send your regrets to the bride and groom right away so they can invite other people if they wish to do so. And although gifts aren’t a must for second weddings (they are for first ones), you may want to give one in this case, to express your happiness for the couple.

Q: I’m getting remarried, and though my fiance and I would like a large wedding, my mother thinks it’s in poor taste because I had a huge bash the first time. Can’t a big second wedding be tasteful?

A: At one time, brides felt pressured to keep the second time around a small, low-key occasion, but today you can get remarried in style without lifting an eyebrow. However, you should bear some things in mind. If your parents paid for your first wedding (and even if they didn’t), you shouldn’t expect them to finance this gala. You and your fiance could foot the bill, with his parents pitching in if they wish to. Also, avoid trying to “outdo” your first trip down the aisle. For example, your gown should be less “bridey” this time (though you can certainly wear lily-white).

via Emily Post.

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wednesday: Dressing for Funerals

weheartit.com

Q: At a funeral I recently attended, I was startled to see several women wearing brightly colored dresses. The styles of their outfits weren’t inappropriate, but I’ve always thought you were supposed to wear black or another somber color to funerals. Is color a new trend?

A: While you’ll never go wrong with black, my informal survey suggests that, these days, bright colors are considered appropriate if the clothing is in good taste (no Hawaiian shirts, please!). It really comes down to respect and personal choice. Some women I talked to said that, to them, a funeral service is a celebration of the deceased person’s life, and therefore they wouldn’t wear black. One woman told me that she donned a red dress for her best friend’s funeral because it was her pal’s favorite color. Ultimately, your decision should factor in the expectations of the bereaved family and the location of the event (is it a religious service or at a place of worship, or a eulogy at a funeral home or other venue?), and your own views about death. Still not sure what you should wear? When in doubt, dress conservatively and use color only as an accent.

via Emily Post.

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wednesday: Dental Dinner Dilemma

(image via weheartit)

Q: What should you do if a piece of food gets stuck between your teeth while you’re having dinner?

A: If you’re dining at home with family, your problem may be solved by someone simply saying, “Yikes! You have food in your teeth!” – at which point a speedy swipe behind the napkin could take care of things. But if you’re eating out, or with less familiar company, the best choice is to excuse yourself from the table and tend to your teeth in private. If exiting is difficult (for instance, you’re wedged between four people and the wall) you may be better off ignoring the problem until later, unless you sense from your companions that the food is visible. In that case, a brief table disruption may be preferable to two hours of oral anxiety.

via Emily Post.

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wednesday: Prying Friends

Q: Help! My friend constantly asks me how much I paid for things (my dress, my haircut, my apartment). It’s not exactly secret information, but her asking feels like an intrusion. How can I get her to quit putting me on the spot?

A: You’re right to feel uncomfortable. It’s not her business, and she should know better than to grill you. But forget about lying. As you say, most of these prices are public, so if she really wanted to find out, she could. Instead, be up-front and tell her the questions make you uneasy. Most people will take a hint, but if not, try a few nonanswers (“At least it didn’t break the bank”) and sooner or later she’ll get your drift – but not your rent.

via Emily Post.

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wednesday: Texting

Q: What is the proper cell phone etiquette when eating dinner? My husband sends or receives text messages when we are having meals at home. This bothers me, because I feel that dinner is a time that we should spend together without outside distractions.

A: The proper etiquette is to refrain from using cell phones at all while at the dinner table. You would probably never use a landline phone while at the table, and it’s no different with a cell phone. Perhaps you could point that out to your husband while asking him to leave his cell phone off during dinner.

Certainly you should let him know that you feel slighted when his attention is otherwise at the table. Hopefully he will change his ways out of respect and consideration for you.

Source: Emily Post

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wednesday: Tea Time

Q: When I order tea in a restaurant and get a bag, a pot of hot water, and an empty cup, I’m not sure where to dunk the bag. Also, when I’m served tea in a mug, what should I do with the bag afterward?

A: Tea may seem a lot more complicated than coffee, but you don’t have to give up on Earl Grey. First of all, when your waiter brings you a pot of hot water, drop the tea bag in and wait for it to steep – about three to five minutes. After you’ve poured yourself a cup, leave the bag in the pot.

If you’re served a cup already filled with hot water, put the bag in right away. After steeping about three to five minutes, remove the bag with your spoon and hold it over the cup so it can drain, then place the bag on your saucer. When tea is served in a mug without a saucer, go ahead and ask for a small dish. A couple of other tea-drinking pointers: Don’t pick up the bag by its string and jiggle it, and don’t wind the string around the bag while it’s on your spoon and squeeze it dry.

via Emily Post.

P.S. Don't forget to check out my Give Away ending tomorrow!!!

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wednesday: Registry Gifts

Q: My friend set up a gift registry for her baby shower. She has more money than I do, and most of the gifts she chose are too expensive for me. What should I do?

A: No worries: It’s always up the gift-giver to choose a present, so you’re not obligated to buy something from your friend’s pricey registry. Pick something within your budget that you think your friend would like (and get a gift receipt just in case she doesn’t!). Or, if you’re friendly with other people on the shower’s guest list, you might ask around to see whether someone would like to chip in to buy a joint present.

via Emily Post.

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wednesday: Bring the Dog or Don't bring the Dog?

This is kind of a hard topic to discuss with family or friends, especially since your dog might just be your best friend and is a part of your family. But Emily Post has a good way of explaining how to keep your pet at home.

Q: Friends are planning to visit us for a week, and they’ve informed us that they’re bringing their dog. I’m not crazy about dogs, and my husband’s concerned about the lawn. Is there a polite way to tell them we’d rather they come alone?

A: Sure. The fact is, it’s impolite of guests to ask – much less “inform” – hosts about pets being included in visits. When the stay is for one week, versus one or two nights, it’s all the more inappropriate.

You and your husband have a right to say no, but do be as diplomatic as possible, saying, “We so look forward to your visit, but we must be honest in telling you that we feel uncomfortable about having Fido. We have to ask you to leave him at home.” You can give a reason: “Dog hair seems to jump-start my allergies.”

If you feel like being more accommodating, you can offer some alternatives: “We’ve found a nice, nearby motel that allows dogs” or “There’s a great kennel in town.” Talking it through often results in a viable solution for all.

via Emily Post.

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wednesday: Hosting

Q: We entertain a great deal, and I usually don’t know if our guests are vegetarians or have food allergies – until they’re sitting at my dining-room table and not touching the main course. Should I be asking everyone ahead of time about dietary restrictions?

A: If you’re having a few people over for a dinner party or a weekend stay, it’s a good idea to check, especially if you’re planning to serve a dish some people can’t handle. You could say, “We’re thinking about having shellfish, and I’m wondering if you’re able to eat shrimp or clams.” Another approach: “I haven’t bought groceries yet for the weekend – any preferences?” When you’re planning a larger party, you needn’t ask each guest about food restrictions, but to be on the safe side, make sure you include some “neutral” dishes such as a vegetable platter, pasta with meatless sauce, fresh fruit for dessert. That way, everybody will find something he or she enjoys.

Q: At a dinner party, if the hostess offers coffee, can you ask for decaf?

A: It’s not a great idea to come out and ask for it, because the hostess might not have any decaf and you don’t want to embarrass her. But you can certainly respond to “Would you like coffee?” with a question of your own: “Is it decaf?” Because so many people prefer to skip caffeine at night, it may well be. If, however, your hostess says, “No, it’s regular,” and doesn’t offer to make a pot of decaf, then just say, “No, thank you,” and leave it at that.

via Emily Post.

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wednesday: Graduation Gifts

Q: I am a senior graduating from high school and have been invited to a few graduation parties for friends. Should I bring gifts? Or is this not necessary since I am also a graduate? I am afraid that these graduation parties could get expensive. Should I just not go?

A: Congratulations on your graduation. Generally it is expected that you bring a gift when you go to a graduation party. It’s likely these are your closer friends from high school and you may be exchanging gifts anyway. If that’s the case, just bring the gift to the party. Clearly this could get expensive, so think about gifts that might not cost too much. Print out and frame a photo taken during your senior year. Wrap it up and attach a fun graduation card and you’re set. If you’re artistic or poetic, give some of your work as a gift. It really is the thought not the amount you spend that counts! And your friends will remember that forever.

via Emily Post.

P.S. Don't forget to order your graduation paper goods here!

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wednesday: Stylist Break-Up

Q: You’ve been going to the same hairstylist for two years, but your last few cuts have been big disappointments (though you haven’t said anything). You’d like to try someone else in the same salon but fear it will be awkward. What should you do?

a. Say nothing and slip away to look for a new place and stylist

b. Inform your current stylist that you’re disappointed-and say why.

c. Tell the receptionist you want someone else to do your hair in the order to make good on the first stylist’s disasters.

A: It’s less than sensible to disappear after two years. Who knows if you’ll find someone else at another salon who can do the job better, or even as well? And if you make a fuss and switch to one of your stylist’s coworkers, you’ll set up a tense situation. It just isn’t fair to “fire” your stylist without letting her know there’s a problem. Most hairstylists would like to be informed of a client’s disappointment. So tell her why the last few cuts were such letdowns (b). A professional can take it.

via Emily Post.

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wednesday: Dining Out

Q: At a dinner out with friends, we ordered an expensive bottle of Chardonnay. When the bill came, they insisted that we didn’t need to include the cost of the wine when calculating the tip, only the food. Is this true?

A: Your waiter is entitled to a tip on the cost of the meal and the alcohol. The exception: When a wine steward, or a sommelier, selects a bottle and serves you. If so, the wine expert is given a separate gratuity of 15 percent to 20 percent (depending on the service, as well as the price and number of bottles ordered), and your waiter should be the tipped only on the food portion of the tab. Customers usually hand a wine steward cash at the end of the meal (he should come to the table when you’re done), but if you want to pay for everything by credit card, look for an extra line on the bill just for the wine tip. Via Emily Post.

On a sad note...

Elizabeth L. Post, 89, died in Naples, Florida, on April 24, 2010, surrounded by her family. For 30 years Mrs. Post carried the mantle of The Emily Post Institute, Inc., writing more than a dozen books on etiquette, including five editions of Emily Post’s Etiquette.

After the death of Emily Post in 1960, Elizabeth Post assumed responsibility for carrying on the Post family tradition of writing and teaching about etiquette. She quickly became, and remained for the next thirty years, America’s leading authority on etiquette.

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wednesday: Letter Writing Tips

Even in this technology based world we live in, there is still have the need to write hand-written notes and letters for both personal and business (especially on good stationery). And not knowing the correct way to write a letter could possibly harm you in the end.

Here's some tips I thought would help:

Always proofread your letter after writing it, check for sentence structure, grammar, spelling mistakes...

Proofread your letter again (and again) after you have revised it.

Keep the recipient in mind, and write in a way that he/she can easily understand the letter.

Don't use abbreviated dates, i.e. use November 19, 2004, and not 11/19/04

Be respectful when you write, even if you are writing a letter of complaint.

Business Related tips:

Be concise and keep to the point, but don't leave out any important information.

Try to keep your letter short enough so that it fits on one page.

If your letter is more than a page long, use another page, don't use the back of the page.

If you have access to company (or personal) stationary with a letterhead on it, use that instead of regular paper.

via Letter Writing Guide

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wednesday: Shoes and Uncomfortable Q's

Q: Is it rude to ask guests who come into your home to take off their shoes and leave them at the door? I want to keep my new hardwood floors from getting ruined.

A: Not if the occasion is informal and you explain your reason. Since guests might be surprised by the request, though, it would be a good idea to offer rubbersoled slippers to anyone who feels she or he might be uncomfortable or cold not wearing shoes. If you’ve invited guests to a dinner party or otherwise fairly formal occasion, however, I wouldn’t ask them to remove their shoes-unless it’s a cultural custom your family observes. If you’re really that concerned about your floor, I’d wait to invite people to your home when weather permits outdoor entertaining.

Q: Several acquaintances have put me and my husband on the spot since we started looking for a house to buy, asking us the price of homes we’re considering and how much we plan to put down. We feel uncomfortable sharing that information.

A: You’re not alone! Although some people do ask and tell all, most others prefer to keep their personal finances private. And you should not feel obligated to answer such questions, whether you’re being asked about the cost of your jewelry, your salary, or your house. But even if you’re annoyed by the questions, don’t be rude in return. If you don’t want to answer, try a little humor: “The place we loved cost an arm and a leg, and we don’t want to give up lunch for a year.” Or throw out another question in response: “Why? Have you found the perfect house for us?” You can also change the subject: “Even more than the price, I like the neighborhood’s two excellent schools.” As a last resort, take the direct approach: “I’d rather not talk about it. I hope you understand.” They’ll undoubtedly get the message.

via Emily Post.

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn

Etiquette Wednesday

Q: Would it be appropriate to ask my mother (my best friend who has been through everything with me, including an awful divorce) to be my matron of honor? I cannot think of anyone else I would rather have by my side.

A: Sure, it’s perfectly appropriate to have your mom as your matron of honor. Talk it over with her, though, since she may feel she has a lot responsibilities as mother-of-the-bride that would make it hard for her to be a 100% attentive matron of honor. If she decides both “jobs” are just too much to juggle, you will both know, nonetheless, that she will be by your side in spirit, with great love for you, feeling very honored by your suggestion.

Q:I mistakenly sent an e-mail to my boss complaining about how he handled a project. It got very awkward . What should I have done?

A:Owned up immediately. In person. Before the boss came to you. Your opening lines: “I can’t believe what an idiot I am. I’m sorry.” Since your comments were more about frustration than about gossip, you could have used this as a chance to discuss the problem. If it was gossip, you’d need to apologize profusely and get the word out to everyone that received it that you, and not the target, are the idiot. Follow this simple rule: If you can’t post your message on the bulletin board, don’t e-mail it.

via Emily Post.

Pugs & Kisses,

Dawn